| give me all of your hopeless heart to make me ill. |
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AFI- god called in sick today |
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well here i am writting another post after what seems like a year.
i was reading all my friends old ljs and how all use to be so close.
i dont hear from brandi lindsay heather or manny for that fact. everyone seems just non-existant.
it made me miss everything. but hey you win some and lose some right?
its been crazy the past couple months between moving out of karens, back to grandmas house and THEN said fuck this shit and went back to karens. i finally got a job and am looking for another job because the one i have i hate with so much passion. i wanna go back to school but i feel like im not smart enough for it. me and chris are an on going rollercoaster. i love him i hate him i cant live without him he drives me fucking bonkers , i go through my bitch phases ,he can be so annoying i can be so distant and yet im still incredibly insanely madly in love with him.
i ended up giving him his ring back because i was tired of his possessive-ness ,his paranoid phase and not trusting me or my judgement. i finally stood up and told him i cant do it. we are now doing somewhat better. its finally come down to make it or break it. either way i dont wanna lose him id rather be his girlfriend but if we do break up i just hope we can manage a good friendship.
ON A RANDOM NOTE:wtf i am finding all these god damn bruises everywhere?! its annoying as fuck! i'll go to shake someones hand and they'll see a huge black and purple bruise dear god i bet you people think im freaking crazy?! well i never said i wasnt so i guess that justifies it a little better......
ive been thinking about everything so much its driving me crazy for the past month i have been really considering moving up to p.a for good im so siiiiiicccck of tampa. i usually see alotta my ex's and its always the ones i have unsettled issues with. its kinda hard to get on with life when you see certain people who really stole a chunk of your heart and wont give that back.
hey betrayals a bitch what can i say.....been there done that.
i know ive always had a problem getting over things , i know im overly sensitive and i know i have a wall up that even gets in the way of those i care for...its just hard to change ...its still taking me time to open up to chris and tell him everything. good/bad everything. most of the time his reaction doesnt make it better. you should of seen his face when he found out i dated girl for a while....he was all like wtf? we're you ever going to tell me that. and usually i say its a part of my past it doesnt matter. and thats one of the ways we get into some stupid ass arguement. being single was so much easier.....but he worth everything every smile every tear and every arguement his mean-ass is worth it all. ehh ive seem to be falling in a downward spiral. ive been smoking ciggs again not to mention ive been smoking pot ALOT which was something i was sooooooo against. ive been so depressed with everything in general that i just caved in and will find any escape at this moment
all i really can do is just pray and try to get my shit straightened
well im off i'll post later.
-jessie
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| role models dont exist?!?!?!?!?!?!?! |
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well its been forever since i wrote in this pathetic thing lmao.....and well let me tell you alot has happened. both my parents took off. joe was never a parent to begin with so i saw that coming and mom.....she couldnt handle it and relapsed. im over it now.....it took me a couple months but hey what doesnt kill you makes you stronger right?
school still blows but ive managed to actually meet a few people .... however my panic attacks have been reoccuring more and more and that scares me. im finally getting better though healthwise which is great ^_^.......i did pretty kickass on my report card..... i just dont know what i wanna do after highschool.... well i wanna do alot but i know i cant do them all. but yeah school is school .
okay dont make fun of me alright? i met this guy named chris and he is so sweet and funny and just all around an amazing guy. theres so much i could write..... we ride the same bus...... i like him but yeah alotta drama .....i have no chance lol he really is a good friend though i dont wanna lose that........ god i dont wanna lose that. he is probably the only person who actually cares.
okay i will right more later tommorrow..... night night
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| im not free of you.... |
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so many things have been wearing me down.... i just dont know exactly what to do anymore .
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| the light that you shine cant be seen. |
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static x-love dump |
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sorry for the delay but its not like anyone reads livejournals anymore anyways. things have been pretty hectic over here.
-i leave on friday to pennslyvania to go see my brother richard get married. im excited and yet im a wreck down here in tampa its all good but up there its completely different i dont know what to expect. i dont like being judge and i dont want them down talking me or my mother and sister thinking were low and poor class cause lets face it its like 2 different worlds when we visit each other. sometimes it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. all that matters is im watching my brother get married and i couldnt be happier.
-school has left me so stressed out. hahahahahahaha so stressed out i have an injury -_- thank you stage craft. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING MR.WARREN IS NOTHING BUT A FUCKING CYNICAL CUNT .but yeah ive managed to come out of stage craft with a busted head lmao . 2 inches long......also deep but luckily i'll need no stitches nor a staple it was a pure accident as well too. i just hope everyone that was helping take down the set is okay. especially those two guys i feel pretty bad. and as for mr warren....... when i fainted i hope i bled on you alot because you honestly deserved to know how much of a douche you are. i dont think you realize what danger you put us through and how much work you put us through. and then you down talk us and criticize our work.....FUCK YOU. but dont worry im going to show up in class with a smile because you know what im not going to let this effect my senior year. but let me tell you if it was someone else that had gotten hurt their would have been so much hell to pay. my family is deeply upset with the school and what happened but i told them it was a pure accident. and i begged them not to do anything. so no actions being taken..
-BESIDES STAGE CRAFT my classes still suck ass except ECE (preschool) i love the little kids ...sometimes lol. their all funny and interesting but overall everybody in the class is really kickass. im so glad mrs. dorsey took over this year has been so much better and olivia is in it too so its deffinately alot of fun.
so yep thats pretty much it for my update im gonna go rest now.
-jessika
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| sleepless |
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bleedwell-h.i.m |
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its been quite sometime since ive made an update and to be honest i dont even think anyone i know uses these things anymore....and if they do....thats quite surprising. well since this is my public journal i'll make it short and not go into much detail i guess.
its my senior year finally.... i was hoping for some sort of change .....and at last..... i got nothing..... lol i still hate school i still find myself being completely and utterely anti-social and even now scared to speak outloud and even teach my kids at preschool ....what the fuck is wrong with this picture?!..... i thought i was getting better and now it seems im only getting worse. i hate all of my classes....seriously they all suck and the great thing about it is my guidance counsler left to go be a coach at usf. * hooray for him -_- * so yup thats how much i love school.
besides that ive found no luck with getting a job that doesnt wanna bitch about me going to school ^_^ need-less to say i need a job because i hate having no cash and hate borrowing money from my family....its not a comforting feeling it makes me feel really guilty so yup..... i guess i'll stop here for now because if i dont im not waking up at five am.
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